Pop Quiz: How much guilt should working moms feel about time spent away from the kids?
a) Zero
b) None
c) Zip
d) All of the above
If you answered d, you would be correct.
This according to new research released this week from the Journal of Marriage and Family.
"Over several aspects of children's lives, the sheer amount of exclusive maternal time, whether directly engaged with children or simply being there, had relatively little power, with no support for hypotheses generated from assumptions about intensive mothering."
In English: In the great cosmic scheme of things, the amount of time a mom spends (or doesn't spend) with her kids doesn't matter. At all.
Great News for Working Mothers
This comes as great news for working moms for whom guilt is a contact sport that should require protective gear. But there's a caveat (isn't there always?). Time doesn't matter... but stress does.Supporting Quantity vs. Quality
So the very fact that a mother is not with the children doesn't have an impact; but the amount of worrying she does about it does. Time, inconsequential; stress, bad. This quantity vs quality argument takes us back to the idea that it's not the choice a mother makes that matters; it's how good she feels about it. And clearly, that's not so easy. Consider a couple of other points from the study:- "Mothers clearly do not easily live up to the expectations of intensive mothering."
- "In particular, employed mothers have a difficult time reaching this ideal."
- "Pressure to spend time with children makes many mothers feel strained, leading to negative consequences for mother's general well-being."