Bossy is a little word – but boy can it sting.
Those five little letters are sneaky – branding strong women as prickly when their male colleagues are just taking charge (fun fact: the word’s first known usage was to describe a “dreadful” lady manager…in 1882).
“It’s the kind of word that dims the very skills which girls so need to succeed,” wrote one columnist during a “Ban Bossy!” campaign a few years ago. For grownups, the labels can impede careers.
Axing one word won’t change women’s fortunes. But it’s not just one word; it’s any word (take your pick: pushy, cold, emotional) that subtly dings women and so quietly gnaws at their progress.
Changing how we talk about women is one small step that can have big results.
What are 4 other things we can all do?
Check your biases. Think we’ve banished stereotypes? Think again. Female leaders are routinely mistaken for junior players – and it’s not only men making this mistake. “In my own unconscious bias,” says one woman of her meeting with a woman lead engineer, “I would have never pictured her in that position.” Under-appreciated often translates to overlooked. So be honest about your blind spots and check them accordingly.
Mentor. Have an interesting career story? Share it. Mentors (men and women) make the seemingly unconquerable seem conquerable – such as rising in a male-dominated field or mastering the work-family equation. “My mentor,” said our own COO Mary Lou Burke Afonso, “showed me it was possible to be successful in both my professional and personal lives." That kind of demonstration speaks volumes – and can save careers.
Don’t mommy-track women. Easing a new mom’s workload (“I know you just had a baby so we’re going to dial back your projects”) seems like a good idea until you realize it can feel like a penalty that oh-so-gently chases women out the door. Many new moms are excited to get back to business, says our Modern Family Index study. Most plan to be as committed to their careers as before their children came along. So, even benevolent discrimination costs. Instead of assuming a woman is stepping back, ask how much she plans to take on.
Finally, on the subject of language, to support women, we need to change how we talk about men. The tired doofus-dad trope is just that – tired, unfair, and marginalizing. Worse, by designating dad as the “helper” (tagging him as the babysitter instead of the parent of his own children, for example), we cement the conditions that keep men from equitably sharing responsibilities, and so leave women managing the load.
“Fathers do not deserve to be branded second-fiddle from the moment their children are born,” wrote an Australian mom in a now-viral post on LinkedIn. “It’s time we did away with ‘primary’ and ‘secondary’ career titles and recognized both parents for what they truly are: equals.”
Amen.
