Most of us don’t think much about elder care until we have to; and when we have to, most of us can’t really think.

That’s because no matter how much we love our families, elder care — the tasks, the questions, the feelings — can be all-consuming.

This is where elder care coaches come in. An elder care coach is a professional who’s been certified in case management and other specialties. They understand elder care. They’ve coached many clients through all of it — both the practical and emotional sides. And because coaching is part of your benefits, the service is available at no cost to you.

Got your attention? Here are 10 things an elder care coach can do.

1. Address your situation: Your coach is your personal resource — the same person every time who will get to know your situation and respond to your individual challenges. All services are one-on-one and fully confidential, available by phone or email.

2. Send an in-home consultant: All coaches have access to certified and trained professionals who can go to your parents’ home to assess their needs. Spotting practical aspects (emerging mobility issues, for example) is essential. But for parents resisting help (and many do), the objective voice can be game changing.   

3. Assess the possibilities of aging in place: Sometimes a safety issue (a tripping hazard into a shower) can be fixed. But you have to find it first. The same consultant who can assess broad needs can spot (and potentially address) physical trouble spots that can impact whether or not someone can stay in their home.

4. Help you find alternatives if aging in place isn’t possible: Moving a parent is hard — but it’s always with the well-being of the individual in mind. Your coach can help you come to terms with those decisions and explore options that provide the right level of care, from assisted living to memory care. Just as important, they can help you explore strategies for having that discussion.   

5. Point you to resources for care: Knowing you need care is one thing; knowing where to find it is something else. Once your coach knows your needs, they’ll work with their team to assemble and send a list of resources and agencies you can tap into for care in your area.

6. Help you assemble paperwork: Some elements of care will require advance approval for insurance coverage. A parent needing physical therapy at home, for example, will need a doctor’s note to show they’re homebound to be eligible. Your coach can alert you to requirements and help you stay on top of what you need.

7. Help you set boundaries: Caregiving comes with a lot of feelings — guilt among them. A coach can remind you that boundaries aren’t selfish, but rather self-care that keeps you from burning out. “Sometimes the most important advice I’ve gotten from my coach,” says Allison, “is when she reminds me it’s ok to say “‘no.’”

8. Give you confidence: Elder care often arrives in a hurry. Having a plan can be a cure for sleepless nights caused by “what ifs.” “When I first called, my parents were still pretty independent,” says Jane, who started talking to an elder care coach when her mother’s panicked phone calls became a daily event. “When my stepfather had a fall, I knew exactly who to call.”

9. Discuss additional benefits: Many coaches recommend respite care — literally hiring somebody to come in and spell you when you’re doing the heavy lifting. “A lot of people are so consumed trying to do it all themselves,” says one coach, “They forget all about the benefits like back-up care that they might get from their job. You want to use whatever you have.”

10. They focus on you: Complicated relationships; squabbling siblings; sheer exhaustion — elder caregiving takes a physical and emotional toll. Your coach is here for all of it. “Sometimes clients just need to be reminded that they’re good people and that their feelings are valid,” says one coach. “No matter what you’re feeling, no matter what you say, I can always remind them that someone has said it or felt it before. You are not alone.” 

Elder care coaching is one of the benefits designed to help you support the seniors in your life — and you.