I write long, reflective annual letters to my two boys on their birthdays. For my older one’s 14th birthday, I wrote, “…You were a dream in my heart when I was a little girl. Before I wanted to be a pilot, an artist, an engineer, or an entrepreneur. When anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say a mom. Being your mom has been something more spectacular than anything I had ever imagined….” It goes on, but there are a few reasons why I am compelled to share a personal note on a public platform. 

This portion of the letter is a reminder that even when I was not clear about what I wanted to do as a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I did go on to have an eventful career. I started off with a stellar stint in consulting and sales, went on to win awards as a leading saleswoman and then had my two sons. Reality dawned that I loved working, but I also loved being a mom. I decided to quit what was a perfectly good career and head back home to India to set up a childcare business because I saw not only that childcare came to my rescue, but more importantly, I saw amazing women around me quit because they did not have the choice. I had a successful run as an entrepreneur – building India’s largest childcare business at a time when the category was unheard of. Then, cut from 2011 to 2020 when I exited the business, being a mom guided my next move yet again. I wanted to be around my boys as they went into adulthood and wanted them to have access to the best education. And so, I moved the family halfway across the globe to the US in the middle of COVID while my husband took care of his business back home in India.

‘Why this story?’ you may wonder. As a woman, despite all the noise around me questioning my every move, it was my inner compass of ‘being a mom’ that guided me through the ebbs and flows of work and life. It is a misconception that work, and life are disparate; if you ask me, they need to co-exist. In fact, now more than ever, we have the opportunity to design our work around life. Here is where you can start: 

1. Acknowledge ‘care-work’ – the biggest service you could do for yourself and others is to name the unpaid care-work. When I, or somebody on the team has an ailing father, an unwell child, one going into college, etc. - it is important to say it aloud, giving others permission to do so too. Also, it is equally crucial to allow space for people to go and deal with that, because when they turn up, they are going to be able to give it 100%.
2. Skills from care-work – Caregiving is not just a chore. Sure, you do not get paid for it but remember, every day in the world sixteen billion hours of unpaid work takes place and if you take the minimum wage here in Massachusetts, that’s quarter of a trillion dollars’ worth of economic impact. Besides, there are significant skills you develop through caregiving - empathy, creativity, resilience, adaptability - these are all attributes that are important in a high-speed, horizontal, networked global economy. I developed a lot of patience to deal with my son’s ‘why’s’ and ‘why nots.’ As women, especially, we must be able to say that care-work at home contributes to how we operate at work. 
3. Pay it forward – When my child was in the NICU, I had one of the most supportive managers say I could come back whenever I was ready. If somebody did that to you, pay it forward to others. Even if they did not, pay it forward, because someone who is not ready to come back to work cannot do justice or give it their 100%. Every time each one of us supports another woman or  man in our lives, we are ensuring that caregiving is actually ‘care-work.’

My message for women today is to ‘revel in your motherhood and never feel like you must choose one over the other'. Juggling work and family are not women's problems alone, they are a family’s problems. 

According to Bill Gates, the two greatest forces for human nature are self-interest and caring for others. So how about we bring them together? Let us make the feminist revolution a humanist revolution. Then as whole human beings, we have a chance at being better caregivers and breadwinners.   

This article is based on the author’s speech at the Massachusetts Women’s Conference 2024.

The author co-hosts Bright Horizon's podcast The Work-Life Equation which offers unique perspectives on what fits work and life together.