Doctor’s appointments; medications; companionship; meals; mobility; safety. No doubt about it: when your parents can’t be alone anymore, a good in-home caregiver can be your new best friend.
But as anyone who’s hired one will tell you, the arrangement comes with challenges, too.
“I’ve heard really good stories about caregivers who were also wonderful companions,” says Susan, a consultant who helps families caring for a senior parent. “But on the challenge side, I also see the same problems pop up over and over again.”
Such as? We talked to Susan about some of the most common caregiver issues. Here are her top five and what to do about them.
1) They leave early every day
Is your caregiver routinely leaving hours before the end of their shift? You’re not alone. Often, it’s not a willful issue with the caregiver – it’s a parent who keeps sending them home. That’s because elder care is often a start-stop kind of thing, where there’s a lot of sitting around between important tasks they can’t do alone. All the idling leaves parents to decide they don’t really need help. “Then you see all these hours not covered on time sheets,” says Susan, “even though you paid for the whole shift.” Worse are the panicked phone calls when mom needs help but the caregiver is already gone. Keeping the schedule will require reaffirming individual caregiver hours with the agency or individual; stress they need to be on site. Make it clear that questions about whether to leave early should be directed to you. And keep reinforcing with parents the stop-and-go nature of the arrangement, and that a caregiver who goes home at 1:00 cannot be there for a doctor’s appointment at 3:00.
2) They’re focused on their phones
It’s one thing to sit around between tasks; it’s another to be checked out completely. “I’ve heard families say their caregiver just looks at their phone all day and doesn’t interact with the senior at all,” says Susan. “That’s a warning sign that they’re not a good fit.” Ask mom how it’s going, says Susan. If parents are telling you there’s no engagement, you’ll want to call the agency immediately to discuss a replacement.
3) They don’t go anywhere
The best caregivers don’t just wait around for the next task. They create things to do, getting parents out; going for walks; engaging them in an activity. That’s not to say they need to be “on” every second. One of care recipients’ common complaints, in fact, is that they don’t have any privacy, says Susan. So there has to be a nice balance between time together and apart. But to get more than just a warm body in the room, you’ll have to speak up about expectations, and maybe even make requests (at least early on) about things to do.
4) There’s a personality clash
Not every caregiver is the right fit. A parent with dementia, for example, will require a caregiver who understands those issues. That will require a special kind of person. Even small personality clashes can be non-starters. “Sometimes you just have two people who have really big personalities that can’t get along,” says Susan. Big enough clashes warrant a call to the agency to find someone new. That said, a revolving door of dismissals may warrant a bigger conversation about what kind care you really need.
5) They leave you out of the loop
It’s awful to learn about a fall or accident long after the fact. It’s even worse to find out purely by chance. But not every caregiver is going to proactively reach out. If you feel in the dark, speak up. Exchange phone numbers with the caregiver. Encourage texts. Schedule check-ins. Touch base regularly – or even spontaneously drop by once in a while to see how things are going. Remember, says Susan, it’s not just acute incidents you want to keep tabs on; it’s also little changes to things like balance and memory that can signal more chronic conditions to address. “To know about those things,” she says, “you and the caregiver will need to have a good rapport.”
Setting up a successful experience from the start
So how can you avoid the above issues? Three words: plan, plan, plan. Know what you’re signing up for. Be specific about your parents’ needs. Make expectations and rules clear and put them in print. This is where in-home care agencies have an edge, says Susan. Such organizations require written contracts for both families and caregivers, so rules are clear for everyone. Plus, if there’s a problem, an agency will handle it for you. It means those who are hiring privately will want to do some advance legwork of their own – drawing up a contract and laying out specifics about not just pay, but things like hours, tasks, and meal breaks/whether food will be provided.
“You can adjust as you go along,” says Susan. “But without expectations clear at the start, you’ll have no control over what you’re going to get.”
Looking for in-home care or other help caring for a senior? Your benefits may be able to point you to resources. Visit My Benefits - Care page for more details.
